LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARIERS HASH TRASH
Run 910: January 2, 2002 Studley Park Rd, Kew
Hare: Deep Throat
Riverside Hash kicked off the New Year with a big run from Deep Throats: that high-class Italian Madam and former illustrious Lakeside GM. We had the millionth run in 6 months from an ever-new little section of the Yarra on Studley Park, and theres more north of the Yarra coming up yet, folks.
Led by IBM upfront, the pack rapidly disintegrated in all directions, and Cooch even ended up cycling all the way up the Eastern Freeway and back. I straggled back with Egg & Bacon Pie, Jilly and Old Hand, across the Yarra Bend Golf Course.
At one point, our little foursome stopped silently to let a player hoist his 9-iron shot, 60-metre shot to the green. Unfortunate fellow: one minute hes playing a quiet round of evening golf in glorious isolation; next minute there are four odd people intently staring at his shot selection from two metres away while unsuccessfully trying not to breathe hard. Then, Jilly coughs on the backswing. Poor bastard thrashes the ball straight into the nearest tree. Have to hand it to him, though. Without a word, howl, grimace, or hair out of place, our gentleman golfer quietly repositions his ball and practices his next shot. Father thought the run was great and so was the soup.
A huge pack crowded into Deep Throats garage, mostly consisting of virgins and visitors from all over the shop: Mr Bossy, Jilly and Christie from the Yoo-Kay, Texas Instrument and Bla-a-h from Vladivostok, Mongrel from somewhere originally in America, KC from West London, Lester the Molester from WSH3 along with Scrubber, Dickhead 2 from Indonesia, and Tangles (or Dickhead 1) from Montrose. Then the charges began to flow, at first thin and slow, but very quickly quick and fast. Many of these surrounded Boomerangs new arm injury. E&B renamed him Roadkill, but IBM claimed hed got it from the exhaust fan at work which fell on top of him being the first recorded case of the fan hitting the shit. Astro was sent off to Las Vegas where hell star as overseer in a casino, like Robert de Niro in Casino; Lester the Molester got the WSH3 GMship by having an earring put in.
IBM was stand-in heckler, and proceeded to get BB for working next door but not giving him the lift he required; KC for waking up in a dress; Jilly for wearing a spangly dress; Mr Bossy for being profiled in The Age; Pointy for attempting to disguise himself with a real beard less convincing than a false beard; and Deep Throat for drinking a fancy wine called Multipliciana del Ponciare de Putana. Dickhead 2 was recognized as Lounge Lizards long-lost twin, though Lizard looked a lot different to me must have been his new shoes; Bla-a-ah as Dicky-Knees long-lost twin, and Kling-On recognized somebody entirely different-looking as himself. KO had thus entirely lost it and Ba-a-arbra charged him for trying to see Florence of Arabia at the movies. Barterbitch got Menstrual who was disgruntled by an unusually heavy cycle
. The Big O charged Mongrel for impersonating Donald Rumsfeld and not giving a media conference they all stick and Mummies got him for at least wearing Aboriginal Reconciliation Hash gear. Not content with getting in The Age on his arrival, Mr Bossy set a run straight off the plain and by rumour will write it up too, so he was justified in charging the entire Lakeside pack for not turning up to his Boxing Day Run (Run 909).
Deep Throat charged Father for being the only Hasher present to realise she belonged to the Worlds second-oldest Hash, as well as its second-oldest profession namely The Royal Milan & Bordello.
Strike me thats exactly how it happened. It all just seems too ridiculous; Ive gotta get back to making it up.
On on
Mummies Boy
UPCUMMING RUNS
Run 911 January 9, 2002 Lipstick 15 Gilbertson St, Essendon
Melway: 16-C12
Run 912 January 16 Downsizing 6 Newhall Avenue, Moonee Ponds
Melway: 28-G7
Run 913 January 23 Barterbitch Over the rainbow
Run 914 January 30 Kling-on on a Bridge Too Far
Run 915 February 7 Tangles East of Eden
Run 916 February 13 Cooch down in the alley
UPCUMMING HASH EVENTS
Western Suburbs H3’s 21st Anniversary
2/2/2; Footscray Secondary College School Camp, 20 Napoleons St, Greendale; about ½-way between Melbourne & Ballarat. About 5km off the freeway and about 10km the Frankston side of Ballan.) Approx $75. Get in touch with BB.
Melbourne Ladies Harriets
Great Escape 1300th Run, to Old Castlemaine Jail; 9/2/2;
Slumber in the slammer; Dinner Bed Breakfast only $90; kids under-14 for $40;
Dancing – music Giveaway Sausage sizzle – Recovery run; Ring Anonymouse 972-54296.