Run 905 Report

LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARIERS HASH TRASH

Run 905: November 28, 2001, St Andrews Highland Fling Run, Richmond

Hare: Egg & Bacon Pie

When the kilts are swingin’ madly in the hi’lands, and the pipers blowin’ blasts on ev’ry bend, ye can listen te Hashers talkin’ but ye don’t ken wha’ they’re sayin’ for the Hashers has a language a’ their own. If your wan’drings had a lead ye to the Yarra; ye’d a’ found less than sense an’ the ground’; and a’tho ye couldnae find it, ye’ fell on t’knees and kissed it, when ye finally crossed t’trail – wachlin’ hame.

On Wednesday nicht I were wachlin’ hame after machtie; wi’ the road true lost and me travellin’ all alone; they said te take the high road – but I done took the Lower (Heidelberg) Road, on te road after sooglin’ through Yarra Bend.

Along that wee burn they call the Yarra, and’ up and over dale an’ through the glen;

I saw a shortly-tattied bogan in the gloamin’; and a lad wi’ face all blue like ancient men;

Then a’ saw a-wee lassie weein’ – may be that Whingin’ Sassenach (Pom) again.

While I’s burlin’ long like t’ wearie, or a wiener wigmalerie, and of that i’ ye got a querie

– Wha’ mate – ye wouldnae want te know!

A’ followed IBM up an alley, wi’ Quasimodo bouncin’ along ‘ahind me, and straightaway the arrow wheels aroon’. She queries, “Are they all falsies? -, then a moment fa’ te breathin’, then IBM – (breaks into Cockney) “Not from where ahm lookin’, they’re not darlin’!!!” Sooo— they took te high road, and aye took te low road, and I get me hame ‘afore ye – all except Hi’ly Infectious and te Boomerang wha’ wor lochied outside; wi’ the grog a’ lochied-in te garage for a’ that.

Then the haggis started leapin’ and the circle started’ skriekin’ and the charges comin’ thick and fast behind, and te run got rated ‘shithouse’, and so wae rated it again; and E & B’s wor bloated frae te doon-doon-doon!

Oh, fock this nonsense! A million hi’landers crooded E&B’s backyard for the St. Andrews Run. Visitors were oot in force like, wi’ Quasimodo, Pepper, Bumface, Jockette (came t’accompany a’ the jocks), Heidi, R-U, Gibbo, Jeff and Adrian, Father & Miss Piggy, all representin’ all the Hash tribes – and some that are not. White Devil from the Malaysian Ipoh Black Watch and Grenadiers shouted a dozen beeries, but got nae crappin’ a’ the same. Then a few other non-hi’land and Sassenach charges were put about, such as Te Boomerang chargin’ Cooch wi’ lochin’ awa’ te beer – mon it could ae been lethal to the pack! IMB got Heidi fae ha’in a ridiculous wee name; Mummies’ Boy got Swallower and Stuck-On fae expressin’ te milk in gutter, Gerbils tae Rugarse fae dressin’ like tae wee gay Italian dwarf called Bonnie Prince Charlie; and Swallower to Gerbils fae only seein’ one actual Scot in the circle – mon, she should-like visit the ‘aye-doctor’.

Wee little Whippet got his name in t’paper – an’ I hop’d he wor the wee young face a- Hashin;’ but mon: why he’s 39 years auld! And if yer glancin’ at Eyes Wide Shut in t’video – why mon, is tha’ nae he in Nicole Kidman’s dirty dream??! Wha’s like us? Very few, an’ they’re a’ dead!!

Whae hae!

Mummies’ Boy

UPCUMMING RUNS…

Run 906 December 5 GG Cheltenham Park, Cheltenham

Melway: 86 GG (erm…G1, that

is)

Run 907 December 12 Cooch Wallen Road Reserve BBQ area,

Hawthorn.  Parking, if no big function, should be in the Leonda Function Centre Melway: 45

A11/12.

Run 908 December 19 Rugarse Bellbird Picnic Area off Yarra Boulevard in

Yarra Bend Park. Melway: 45 A3/ 44 K3

UPCUMMING HASH EVENTS

Lakeside H3 Christmas Party: ‘Royal or Republicans’.

Royal Brighton Yacht club, 253 St.Kilda St, Brighton, Melway: 67, C10. Saturday December 15 from 7 p.m. $5 Kris Kringle. Tickets $35 now.

Kalgoorlie Boulder H3

1000th run on New Year’s Eve. Theme: Pimps and Pros. Also take in 1001st run with the theme of ‘1001 Arabian Knights’. Register NOW; price goes up on December 10. Register early and often with shirt size.