OktoberFest
Due to a motor vehicle muck-up, No Balls was a No Show so it was left to E&B to send the pack away for the OktoberFest run. Lots of Richmond laneways and old dunny access rights-of-way. We visited Cooch’s mum, Margaret at the Sir Eric Pearce Aged Care home where we had a drink stop. Old Sir Eric, the Channel Nine newsreader for 58 years, was a teetotaller who didn’t get irony. Then it was on-on to the next drink stop at the E&B and Cooch house in Buckingham St. It’s hard to remember the details of a run comprising two drink stops and a circle so who knows where we ran except that it was in Richmond. Circle was in the Dame Nellie Melba Park in Coppin Street. How appropriate that we honoured Sir Eric and Dame Nellie just two weeks before Young Malcolm torpedoed imperial honours forever. Dame Nellie died of a facelift in 1931. She got septicaemia.
Returnees
Colours, Udder, Gargoyle, Cheesecake
Walk report
LubeOil said there was no walk trail so they just followed the runners.
Run Report
Wheelie Bin needed two drink stops to calm his nerves and awarded the run 81/89
Charges
Circle presided over by two sergeants – Mother Brown and Hooraytio.
- Deeper for scaring LubeOil from behind.Odd Job for using a phone in the circle.
- No Balls for forgetting to put fuel in the car and hence not turning up to hash on time.
- E&B for taking over her own house.
- GG for not staying at aged care home.
- Klingon for being accosted by a lady on substances.
- Chou Chou for talking more than Lotsa Fun.
- No Balls and E&B charged for wearing colourful costumes.
The Kidnapping, Part One
In recent weeks Sweaty Box has kept the hash mesmerised with horrific tales of Lakesiders being lured overseas and held hostage by our ex GM and Astro. In late August Colours and Cheesecake were induced to fly to Edinburgh to join Astro and Cut Loose for what was supposed to be a holiday. We quickly learned that we were to be held captive by the CLAstros. I was to be punished for truthful things I’d written about them in hash reports. As a writer of integrity, I won’t be silenced. Unless it’s for money.
I was dragged from dingy bar to dingy bar, all of them so dark that in a disoriented state I lost all sense of time – just another part of the kidnappers’ arsenal of wickedness. I was duct-taped to a bar stool and subjected, for who knows how many hours, to the cruel and uniquely Scottish torture – whiskyboarding.
Cut Loose might look like butter wouldn’t melt, but when she whipped out her menu of torture and asked me to choose my poison, I realised I’d got her all wrong. The CLAstros do a marvellous line in customised cruelty and Cut Loose in particular travels with a cornucopia of cruel condiments. From time to time Cut Loose would whip out her Mum’s old electric element. Allegedly she carried the thing to boil up the occasional cup of tea, but she was not above brandishing the raw sizzling electricity very close to our delicate Australian complexions.
Cut Loose’s Mums Old Electric Element
The CLAstros had to keep moving us prisoners and Scottish Rail was their entrapment transport of choice. As we travelled to the Western Isles, Cut Loose’s hefty henchperson, Astro, threatened to throw me off the train and feed me to the Loch Ness pirhanas. Sadly the kidnappers, while long on torture, were short on geography because the Inverness to Kyle of Loch-Aish train doesn’t go anywhere near Loch Ness. So it was off to the Isle of Skye – an island prison surrounded by fried Mars Bar infested waters (well, whatever they were they had the shape and size and colour of overfried Mars Bars).
More soon
Cheesecake
