When our hare, young Sweaty Box first arrived at Hash, she thought we were a cult since we exhibited many of the rituals and characteristics of some weird sect. And yet she’s still with us!!
Why Hash House Harriers is a cult
| Cult Characteristic | Hash House Harriers |
| Ruled over by a prophet-like authoritarian leader who demands unquestioning obedience. | Ruthless Rowan Rules! OK! |
| Exclusivity | Melbourne Mens’ Hash – if you’re not white, old & male you can just bugger off. |
| Persecution Complex | Anything emanating from the mouths of GG and Mothball. |
| Possessors of special knowledge | Only E&B knows that at a check you yell “CHECKING” & when you’re otherwise lost you yell ”LOOKING”. If you transgress she’ll give you a spanking. |
| Mind numbing control techniques like chanting | I give you the Hash song book. |
| Maintaining logically impossible beliefs | We think we’re athletes |
| Denunciation sessions | Make a spectacle of yourself on a run/walk and you’ll be dragged into the circle where you’ll be water-boarded or even beer-boarded. |
The cult assembled while SB and the CLAstros reprised the famous toilet run of a few years ago set by the food and beverage quartet – E&B, Peanuts, Cheesecake and Punch, wherein the circle sought protection from the elements in the nearby ladies change rooms. Weather conditions were pretty much the same as they were back then – friggin’ freezin’ and windy. Lotsa Fun warmed up a bit as she perved on some attractive young men going through their life saving training on the beach in front of us before the run.
SB and Astro set a challenging run along the beach then we dived inland through parklands and bike trails of Garden City, Astro’s old stomping ground. We cantered along Williamstown Rd to Todd Rd then southwards to a greatly cleaned up Percy White Reserve on the foreshore. The Reserve now features lovely new boardwalks through the tea-tree which Prickly Bush inspected more closely than necessary. Then it was on-on along the pier to the drink stop personned by Cut Loose and featuring a fruity concoction and the best view of the city lights in Melbourne.
Returnees
Peanuts, Mothball.
Special runs
Prickly Bush 144, Shu Shu 49, Peanuts 131, Gargoyle 111.
Run Report
Prickly Bush described the run – she loved the beach views, but the trail was a bit tricky with some challenging checks. Lots of nice houses and duplexes. Great drink stop. LuBangOz got lost. Best bit was the eye candy for the ladies ogling fit young life savers. 1703/1716.
Walker’s Report
Colours was with the walkers and she also loved all of the above but the walkers especially loved the visiting young navy guys fresh off the boat at Princes Pier. After she finished looking longingly at the navy guys, Colours then looked longingly at the Spirit of Tasmania as it set sail for her ancestral homeland. 1714/1716.
Charges
Wet Patch was surprise Sergeant.
- Hares charged – Sweaty Box, Astro and Cut Loose.
- LuBangOz for getting lost because he followed Wet Patch.
- Gargoyle for leading Wet Patch astray.
- Big Ears for not marking the checks.
- Cut Loose for not marking the drink stop.
- Astro for telling GG that the venue was 750 metres from tram when it was in fact 1.5 kms distant and thereby nearly killing the old fart.
- Astro for failing to tell GG that the Port Melbourne run was in Dandenong.
- GG for needing a walking stick.
- Prickly Bush the tumble queen, for kissing the boards of the board-walk.
- Gargoyle for having A list and B list friends, and neither list includes Wet Patch and Shoe Shopper.
- Various charges for ogling the very fit and scantily clad young life savers doing training on the beach.
- Lotsa Fun for chasing young life savers.
- Shu Shu for chasing young life savers.
- Cheesecake for chasing young life savers.
- Colours for chasing young life savers.
- Udder for chasing young life savers.