Run 960 Report

Lakeside run on Wednesday nights starting at 6:30ish, usually within 10kms of the Melbourne CBD (Central Boozing District). Runs cost $2, the food costs $3 unless it is at a pub, and drinks cost $2. Visitors are always welcome – just show up and ask for a drink!

The Uncommitted

Mummies’ Boy (Phillip Edwards) Ph: 9479 1978

Baa-baa-ra (Kevin Kitchingham) Ph: 0414 770 288

Stuck -On (Wendy Guo) Ph: 9534 5495

Too Dumb to Die (Ian Morgan) Ph: 0439 944 945

Egg’n’ Bacon Pie (Lorraine Gierck) Ph: 9421 1134

Cooch (Rowan Compagnoni) Ph: 9421 1134

Janus (Hugh Watts) Ph: 0419 698784

Cheesecake (Elizabeth Kelly) Ph: 9521 8038

The Boomerang (Jon Miller) Ph: 9523-1694

Lotsa Fun (Lai Fun) Ph: 9815-2363

Shunt (Keith Ralph) Ph: 9570 4689

IBM (Martin Evans) Ph: 0401-147-796

Udder Idjit (David Cheeseman) Ph: 0414 716 382

al-@lakesidehash.asn.au

www.LakesideHash.asn.au

jsb-@pacific.net.au

It was a family affair at Liquid Remover’s farewell run. Bovine Breeder had his mum, Goodnight Aileen, and second cousin twice removed Mimi in tow. Father had a couple of Cornish Pasties along – rosy cheeked nieces Amy and Kerry-Anne. And then there was the Major Fuck-Up Birth Control Centre – Uncle Shunty, Kathleen, and Sperm.

The presence of so many dysfunctional families (in a good way) was a sure sign that the holidays were coming. And may I remind my gracious readers that the holidays are a time of giving. What better recipient for your holiday guilt induced charity than the Lakeside Hash House Harriers? E&B’s snarky calls for Christmas Party registrations were driven out of a certain underlying (and well-founded) desperation about hash finances. If I may quote advice columnist Moya Sayer-Jones: “The only time most people hear their number called is at the deli counter. What most people realise however, is that a raffle is a fundraiser, not an investment“. So unless you want the AGPU to be held at North Melbourne’s Station Hotel with the $2 pigeon pies, stale pots, and herpes-infected barmaids that entails, please chip in for the raffle and remember to pay yer subs when they come due again next year. Another suggestion is that Lakeside rounds up some volunteers for various events throughout the year (like the Melbourne Marathon) – watch this page for details.

And speaking of the Christmas Party – woe to thee who missed out! A good time was had by a lively crowd of about 40 hashers at Dennis’ Trattoria. Yours truly is still recovering from the sort of psycho-physical misery that can only result from drinking buckets of cheap red wine and dancing like an idiot. Udder opened the night’s entertainment with a solemn prayer, followed by a cappella dirty hash songs from Deeper, a raunchy little sketch from Kakadu and the Kakadettes, and wrapped up with a heart-warming rendition of “I Still Call Lakeside Home”. A plethora of flashing cameras should ensure much embarrassing photographic evidence to jog the memories of the more libertine party-goers (a certain nurse and computing consultant from Williamstown comes to mind).

Did I mention last week’s run? Liquid Remover surprised us all with a short but sweet loop around Brunswick, Coburg, and Royal Park. Cooch took the lead, running each check out in several directions while the rest of the lazy mob stood around scratching their bottoms. The scent of elephant dung was thick in the air as the pack took a turn for the worse, failing to find trail through the railroad tunnel and instead joining up with the walkers on the corner of Park Street and Royal Parade. Those errant runners were chased back and around on true trail with a stream of German invective from the hare.

This Teutonic predilection towards thoroughness was continued at the restaurant where we were treated to a dinner of beans, beans, rice, beans and cheese (with rice). The dishes kept coming with such frequency and volume that the usual ravenous hordes were left groaning, bellies straining against the table, and unable to clean their plates.

Acting GM Udder called the circle to order, but excused the bloated diners from making the effort to stand. The run received mixed reviews from Point Post (194 out of 269) and Kathleen (“dreadful”). The hare’s charge was administered upside-down in order to acclimatise Remover for the Northern Hemisphere. Most of the beer went up (down) his nose and on the floor, so he had one more to send him off to Switzerland (chasing Deep Throat?).

The visitors and virgins – Aileen, Mimi, Mizprint, Amy, Kerry-Anne, Kathleen, and Sperm – were all brought up for an inaugural drink, with varying levels of success. Cooch was charged for leading the pack astray, and Remover copped it again for his silly hat before the MFU Birth Control Centre was rounded up for a drink.

A motion was put to the floor regarding the upcoming holidays. Despite an apparent lack of interest there will still be a Christmas Day run along with a joint Lakeside-Melbourne Men’s run to be set by GG on the 30th. See below for further details.

For his efforts GG was rewarded with a golden shower courtesy of a whippet dog in Royal Park. Charges were given accordingly. Melbourne Monk was rewarded with a beer for getting an earful of GG’s medical history, and Shunt was honoured for his ability to be in two places at once (namely driving a train and drinking at the Christmas Party). The chefs of the delightful Spanish food we had been treated to – a Moroccan and an Italian – were given their due. And Udder copped it for England’s disgraceful 0/11 losing streak, while the other members of Her Majesty’s Empire present coyly demurring from associating themselves with the poms.

On-On

TDTD

18/12/02

961

SBD

Gasworks Park, Richardson St, Port Melbourne

2J H7

Virgin hare!!

25/12/02

962

Christmas Champagne Breakfast Run

The Boomerang

4/39 Horne Street, Elsternwick

67 F3

8:30am start. Bring your own champagne.

MONDAY

30/12/03

963

GG

BBQ area, Cheltenham Park, Cheltenham

86 G1

7:00pm start. Combined run with Melbourne Men’s Hash

29-30 March 2003

Rutherglen BASH Weekend

Victorian Hotel, Rutherglen See E&B or Cooch for more details