LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARIERS HASH TRASH
Run 912 January 16, 2002 Moonee Ponds
Hare: Downsizing and/ or Wings (Joint run with Western Suburbs)
CORRUPTION SCANDAL ROCKS LAKESIDE
from -The Herald Sun, January 22, 2002
The Hash World was reeling last night after news of a second Hash scandal involving Lakeside Hash House Harriers broke, only days after a first scandal involving Bent (a.k.a. Brent Leeden of Melbourne and Lakeside H3, see “Anthrax letter ‘prank’ backfires [Bent in trouble again]” The Hashtrailian, issue no. 5, and The AGE Friday 18 January, 2002).
The second affair involved an alleged attempt by Run 912 Hares, Wings and Downsizing, to bribe Lakeside On-sec Mummies Boy to produce a favourable account of their run in the Lakeside Hash Trash. The sensational news revolved around the bribe attempt, which was e-mailed by Wings yesterday. The message centred on the extra ice-cream cone which Hash host wings had plied Mummies Boy with at the On-After, and how he (and Downsizing) were expecting the favour to be reciprocated. Unfortunately for the defendants, the message was immediately leaked to Victorian Government ministers.
Last night, Attorney General Rob Hulls made a press release “The Government takes a dim view of reprehensible behaviour by certain individuals in local community sporting organizations. This Lakeside incident comes hard on the heels of the Bent one. What kind of example is this setting the sporting youth of Victoria? It wouldnt be so much of a concern, except Lakeside is an affiliated Victorian club, and comes within the ambit of tough new legislation aimed at curbing corruption in professional cricket. I expect these two to be prosecuted with the full force of the law.”
The new legislation provides for a fine of $ 50,000 or 6-months imprisonment. Former Australian Test cricketer, and current players advocate, Tim May, took a similar line “Getting a favourable write-up in the Trash, or fixing a major one-day international there really isnt much difference in ethics, is there? Major fires start with a small matches – we have to stamp out this kind of thing before it becomes entrenched in sport.”
However, Victorian Premier took a softer line “We have to be careful not to go over the top, here. Sure theres been a misdemeanour which has to be addressed, but I would have thought a community service order was appropriate say, attending a 100 D & E runs, or perhaps spending a month as the Royal Peninsula Haberdasher.” Downsizing & Wings had been bailed early this morning by the entire Lakeside 2001/ 20012 raffle proceeds, and were due to appear in the Albert Park Magistrates Court tomorrow. Lakeside On-Sec, Mummies Boy was philosophical about the kafuffle “Its no skin off my nose. I invent the entire Trash every week anyway. But its just a shame, as I had lots of charges to get through this week, and everybody likes to see their names in print. So Ive been forced to cram them all into 3 paragraphs below.”
What I would have said, was that after the hearty nosh topped off by buckets of ice-cream,
E & B soused the Hares and welcomed Virgins and Visitors (Mr Bossy, Jilly, Rocket and Ros), and after Gerbils proclaimed Barterbitch for 400 Runs and Boner for 100, Leech complained about Wings boring run, particularly the gun barrel-straight, 4.7 km-stretch uphill along Maribynong Rd. But he was wrong, I think. Wings deadly-uphill marathon was a brilliant metaphor for life itself; an attempt at character-building; one foot after the other; slogging it out; eyes upon a distant goal you can just see but never attain. E & B also charged Mothball and Tania for not calling; even though Mothball protested that he was closely following E & B at the time, with fingers stuck in his ears to avoid being deafened by her high-decibel On-ons, and even though they were all in a giant empty park with no-one on the horizon.
Downsizing criticized Mummies for getting everything frontwards, sdrawkcab, and upside down (cant do it!) in the Trash a charge which looks tragically hollow now and also for his faggy satin shorts; another ill-advised charge, since this only attracted further attention to Downswings own concept in shorts. Piste Basher lost his altogether, as The Beast proved by producing an enormous pair of Y-Fronts during the circle.
Farewell, again, was sung to Astro, to the strains of Viva Las Vegas. Hes heading States-side to oversee casinos for The Organization. And speaking of all the press were getting, what was Like-a-Virgin doing on Channel 10s Paul Kelly tribute special last night?
UPCUMMING RUNS
Run 913 January 23 Highly Infectious 100 Bayview St. Williamstown.
Robbie Burns Birthday Run – wear something Scottish
Melway: 55 K9.
Run 914 January 30 Kling-on Koomba Park, Wantirna
UPCUMMING HASH EVENTS
Full Moon Run 27 Jan, 2002 4pm BYOG & BBQ Yellow Gum Park Melways: 10 G5; Hare: Klingon
From Greensborough take Diamond Creek Road, Yan Yean Road then Memorial Drive
Western Suburbs H3’s 21st Anniversary
2/2/2; Footscray Secondary College School Camp, 20 Napoleons St, Greendale; about ½-way between Melbourne & Ballarat. About 5km off the freeway and about 10km the Frankston side of Ballan.) Approx $75. Get in touch with BB.