Lakeside Hash House Harriers The drinking club with a running problem
LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS COMMITTEE 2012-2013
Grand Master: Pauline “It Wasn’t Me” Middelveld Religious Adviser: John “Klingon” Perkins Hash Cash: Simon “Lubang Oz” Wreford Grog Master: John “Klingon” Perkins Checking Chicken: David “Udder Idjit” Cheeseman Sgt@Arms: Barry “GG” Kerr; Soc Sec: Linda “Cyclone Tracy” Anderson-Berry On Sec: Andrew “Shitoffashovel” Middleton Hash Haberdash: Lorraine “Egg and Bacon Pie” Gierck Hare Raiser: Nick “Nickle B” Leicester Hash Flash: “Ambidexterous Hand Job” Web Master: Stuart “Flem” Smith
Run 1504, 4 July 2012 Hare: Dr Boner Venue: Oxford Scholar Hotel cnr Swanston and A’beckett St, City
The run started at 6:50 with Dr Boner taking the pack of 25-odd out into the freezing cold Melbourne night air. We stood outside the Oxford Scholar Hotel shivering quietly to ourselves, while the hare preceded to waffle on about us being here to celebrate some glorious day in a century so far away no one cared, in a country most of us haven’t been to . . . when he was stopped by the arrival of Ambidextrous Handjob. Prince (stupidly) asked him to start again for the benefit of the newcomer . . . which Dr Boner did by preceding to waffle on about us being here to celebrate some glorious day in a century so far away no one cared, in a country most of us haven’t been to and that has abolished the Queen . . . when Lube Oil turned up and Dr Boner started again . . . (did I mention it was freezing?) . . . and some other twat rocked up and Dr Boner started again . . . this went on for so long, I took the opportunity to go inside the pub and get my phone to GPS track the run and come outside and hear: ‘on on is thata way’.
I was wrong to get my phone, as the GPS went down and we spent more time stopped at traffic lights shivering than running, and when we were running we got stiff necks bending down to look for the arrows that kept changing size and variety and pointing in wrong directions, like they were in a poorly scribed version of Alice in Wonderland. But it did cover some lovely areas of the north and north-west of the city.
Dinner followed our return, as it tends to, and it was cheap and good.
At the hour of sometime-after-dinner, the GM called us to form a circle and we obeyed. It Wasn’t Me, showing efficiency and lucidity of speech that had been lacking from the hare, welcomed us, did the necessary duties and promptly called forth GG to take over Sargent duties.
Cooch was called to describe the run – he was far too nice in his details and gave a score of 2 out of 15. (1½ of which was certainly for the great venue and food.) The hare had a few words of rebuttal, which included the retort yoyo (your-on-your-own) often.
The poor visitor was called forth: Steamer, from Freo.
The returnees were called forth: Ambidextrous Handjob, Prince, ICT2, SOAS
Then GG took it upon himself to make some jokes:
A mate from Thailand nearly shagged a ladyboy recently . . . [you don’t want to hear it]
Chargers followed: GG – 2 bad jokes (by the circle) Dr Boner – bringing a jock strap to the hash and leaving it on the table – it was his head torch (by IGT2) Prince – standing in missionary positions (frankly, I can’t read my writing at this point) Steamer – being the vainest pugilist in the world for wearing a MENSA t-shirt (you had to be in the know and most of us weren’t, including your trusty scribe) Dr Boner, Prince, GG – in relation to the poorly laid trail someone (Pointy?) was heard to use their names in vain – “ . . . as the Governor General said, arrows may save the Prince, but they won’t save Dr Boner.” Klingon – ICT2 was called by Klingon for having a Bastille Day run on the wrong day, but as SOAS correctly pointed out, it’s a Lakeside HHH and Wednesday only comes once a week, no matter the day, so it was reflected. Further deserving chargers followed for the following, but the scribe had run out of paper to mark the offences (just like any good kangaroo court, the offences don’t really matter, they were all guilty): Dr Boner Pointy Whopping Boy Steamer Klingon E&B Nicklebee & E&B Ambidextrous Handjob Dr Boner Pointy Finally it was time for announcements: Fullmoon HHH on Sunday – Church Hill, Lesterfield Park – Be There! Balls Up – 13 October – E&B has sent emails twice before – Read Them! The song was sung and another successful Lakeside HHH came to an end . . . following which the scribe noticed many of the group walking over and apologising to the hare for the shellacking he took during the circle . . . to which he rightfully replied: YOYO.
Next Full Moon run click here:
Upcoming Runs See Upcoming runs page