Lakeside Hash House Harriers The drinking club with a running problem
LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS COMMITTEE 2012-2013
Grand Master: Pauline “It Wasn’t Me” Middelveld Religious Adviser: John “Klingon” Perkins Hash Cash: Simon “Lubang Oz” Wreford Grog Master: John “Klingon” Perkins Checking Chicken: David “Udder Idjit” Cheeseman Sgt@Arms: Barry “GG” Kerr; Soc Sec: Linda “Cyclone Tracy” Anderson-Berry On Sec: Andrew “Shitoffashovel” Middleton Hash Haberdash: Lorraine “Egg and Bacon Pie” Gierck Hare Raiser: Nick “Nickle B” Leicester Hash Flash: Mark “Ambidexterous Hand Job” Kalic Web Master: Stuart “Flem” Smith
Run 1534, 23 January 2013 Hare: Klingon Venue: 13 Mitford St, St Kilda
The scribe erred and arrived at 6:30pm, a monumental mistake for anyone who likes to get off their bike and be running within a minute. Sometime during the passing of the eternities of seconds into minutes and visitors, newcomers and lastly the experienced Lakesiders arriving, the scribe had a conversation with a Launceston visitor about the virtues of the Magpies, aka the Collingwood Football Club. A split second later, the scribe was equally bored and GG arrived (go back two sentences and read again). The Ground Hog Day disaster abated when the hare came down from his DYI attic and presented himself for the first time. Klingons description of the run, which allowed time for a piss break and money-fuelling in case a divine pub should present itself somewhere between the first on-on and returning, was as enthralling as a conversation with a Magpie supporter with the hash name Magpie (go back four sentences and read again). Finally, someone twigged that it was better to be experiencing the run than listening to it described and they took off calling on-on in their wake. Theyd turned around within five hundred metres when a third arrow had failed to be spotted and people were milling around staring at the footpath like there was an ant disco worth inspecting. There wasnt, and it took a genius to find a hidden arrow down the private drive way that lead to a lane. (Scribes note, this might be the first and last time Udder Iddit is described as a genius, but at least he got the pack moving.) And move we did, following an inland trail through the odorous sewer canals of St Kilda and Elwood that the hares long lost relative might have had some hand in designing and his offspring certainly have a hand in tainting. A quick pace was set, and merrily we ran along. For a time the foot fall of the front running bastards kept such melodic time and rhythm one almost felt that Cooch might break out in joyous song. Thankfully, he didnt. The lack of on-backs did mean that it wasnt long before the stragglers were left far behind, and this scribe likes to imagine they were taken by goblins and orges never to be seen again. Certainly, Cyclone Tracey was spotted for a minute on the run and never made it to the dinner table, unless . . . no, the hare wouldnt have . . . he couldnt have . . . thats too horrible to think of . . . but was that a bone I found in my Vietnamese meat roll or a ring? We had been warned that the run contained some intellectual puzzles for us to solve when we came to them and the hare got one of these two words right hint, it wasnt the adjective. So you can imagine the confusion of the pack arriving at the symbol HQ? contained in a circle with an arrow pointing to the house. Was this the headquarters of some high ranking secret army official laid bare by our red-leaning hare? Roo Dog certainly didnt believe so, though he was shocked to hear that better negotiation and confronting HQ might grant him a more frequent pay cheque. Did the circle represent a cheque? If so, where were the arrows that should follow? As is the norm, Pointy came across the trail first, but a mouse held his tongue firmly within his mouth and no squeak or sound was heard. The scribe swears he could have sworn he heard someone muttering behind him how much better it would be if Pointy didnt have eternal laryngitis. Ten minutes later, trail found by the pack and running continued in earnest. The direction was generally south-west to south-south-west until we came to a body of water larger than a canal and a bright spark recognised wed made it to the Bay. Thanks Razor Blade, an English education has served you well. From this point on the run was a predictable Klingon affair like adding water to porridge: head north-west to north-north-west following the Bay, include the run up Ormond Point Hill because Klingon visited it in 1988 for the Bicentennial fireworks, get lost around Luna Park, discover trail near the Peanut Farm where Klingon was spotted chatting to men in dresses earlier in the day the scribe was given your change to return to you Klingon and return home. Overall distance logged at 10.9km and covered in two and a half minutes quicker time than it had taken the hare to describe at the outset. A Vietnamese-roll feast followed and thankfully Add-On must have had something to do with the cooking because it was a treat. The GM, who had arrived sometime between the run finishing and the scribes second beer being opened, called circle. It took a goodly time for this motley mob to form and when it did, it became evident that the thirty who had started the run were now down to twenty, and we all were starting to rub our stomachs and question the source of the food. The circle: It was a standard affair with far too much praise for the hare and not enough condescension. For the record, it was granted 9/15 with the food receiving a separate score of 27½/34. Why? You tell me. Visitors and returnees were called for a down-down and banished. The Sargent tried for a funny, long joke and seceded with the second adjective. Charges were laid bare for all to squirm over. And no one commented that Tap from Hobart was given that name because she offered sex on tap, because she doesnt. The scribe would like to congratulate Udder Iddit for have so little of a life he spent his 65th birthday with the pack good one, a goal to aim for. Notices: Next weeks run google Lakeside HHH and you will find it Melbourne Ladies HHH are holding a weekend away to celebrate their 1900th run, but theyve kindly offered an assortment of options, which include a day visitor. Its like buying lollies from a milk bar in the 80s, genuine choice. For those interested, give Too Hard a call on 0412 938 577. However, call before the 8th of February or it will be just you and Too Hard spending the weekend away together. There is no Red Dress run organised for this year so far. I see that as a challenge to the resourceful out there. Alternatively, there is one in Hobart on 25th March. Lakeside song followed.
Next Full Moon run click here:
Upcoming Runs See Upcoming runs page