Run 1690 | 21st October 2015 | Mother Trucker and Blood Sucker @ Beauty Park, Frankston

The hare originally scheduled for this race, Udder, was a last minute scratching. He got a better offer to race in the Shanghai Slipper Stakes. MT and BS stepped in and delivered a great run through the better parts of Frankston and Oliver’s Hill. We ran through lots of gardens, parks, golf courses and leafy green streets featuring frequent glimpses of Port Phillip Bay. We ran alongside the round house and past where Grahame Kennedy’s house would have been if it hadn’t been demolished already. The drink stop, being a delicious fresh fruit concoction, was gloriously positioned on the Frankston foreshore. Dinner was plentiful salads and meats back at Beauty Park.

Visitors

Tumbleweed, Black Tulip, Empty from PH3

Returnees

Jay Walker, Shoe Shopper, Wet Patch, Transylvestite, Blood Sucker and Mother Trucker.

Special Runs

Hooraytio 40, Punch 242, Pointy 919, Prince 543, Prickly Bush 123.

Virgins

Boo, Nipple Kamakaze

Run Report

Transylvestitie from Beijing – first time he’s been to Stabston, good run with plenty of expensive looking homes. Awarded 689.5/690.

Walk Report

Punch version – Travelled north along Baxter St, across Frankston-Flinders Rd, turned west into Playne St then adjusted direction towards the north east along Young St to Frankston Station. Transversed 200 metres along Ross Smith avenue, turned south along Keys St, on-back down Thompson St, west along Wells St, south for 300 metres down Nepean Highway and right at Davey St towards drink stop. Awarded 69/690. PLH3 version – went to the pokies.

Charges

  • MT for using up all the champagne at the drink stop.
  • MT and BS charged for being the hares.
  • Swamp Rat for her shocking joke involving our virgin: “Knock Knock” “Who’s there?” “Boo” “Boo Who?”
  • Cheesecake for not being able to park straight.
  • Cooch for not calling ‘on’ at checks.
  • BS criticised for being ‘blonde’.
  • Kiwis charged because they’ve just won the world cup in tiddlywinks – Pointy, Deeper, Prince.
  • Boo for bringing chips to the hash.
  • Punch for boring the scribe.
  • WP and SS for canoodling in the circle.
  • Boo charged himself for getting lost.
  • Swamp Rat for scaring Boo by yelling ‘BOO’.

The Kidnapping, Part Two

So there we were, young Colours and I, trapped by the CLAstros on the Isle of Skye. Our prison for the duration was the Skye Country House Hotel. The proprietress of SCHH was an English gentlewoman of mature years. She and her establishment have been variously described by satisfied customers on Trip Advisor and Booking.com thus:

  • surly, gruff, weird, defensive, aggressive, grumpy, rude, unfriendly, blunt, odd, frosty, unapproachable, standoffish, hostile, patronising
  • no people skills whatsoever
  • an exceptionally unpleasant female owner
  • repugnant woman
  • went to Basil Fawlty school of charm
  • worst service I have ever experienced
  • (she was) furious to be asked for cereals at breakfast
  • the most horrific people we have ever had the displeasure to meet run this hotel
  • shocking, threatening behaviour
  • as we were checking in… she was also wearing what appeared to be pyjamas, a cookie monster shirt and pyjama pant type things
  • eally miserable woman at the front desk who looked like she had swallowed a wasp nest…washed down with vinegar
  • the fly in my breakfast cooked into the egg wasn't the protein I was after. Poor apology topped off with "you’re lucky it wasn't later in the season, we get loads of midges".

At last, here was a woman on my wavelength. A regular Boadicea similarly trapped on Skye, being persecuted for not succumbing to simpering Sassenach notions of customer service. The next morning, as I was paying my bill (yes, I had to pay for my own imprisonment), I thought, if I could bond with her she might assist in my escape. Then Colours came along and ruined everything by asking for a split bill. That buggered the Boadicea bonding. Our raging receptionist informed Colours that if she’d wanted a split bill, she should’ve given 3 years notice.

And so our kidnapping continued…….

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *