Lakeside Hash House Harriers
The drinking club with lots of problems
ELECTRONIC HASH TRASH
STOP PRESS: Run 934 12 June 2002 : Hare Required : Please call E&B or The Boomerang as soon as possible
RUN NO. 932
29 May 2002
HARE : Cheesecake
VENUE: Denniss Restaurant Trattoria Italiana
Grand Master: Egg & Bacon Pie
(Lorraine Gierck) Ph: (03) 9421-1134 (H) gierckie@tpg.com.au
Sergeant-at-Arms: Gerbils
(Cathy Devries)(& Deputy GM); rec@johnhopkins.com.au
Hash Kash: Point Post
(David Shearn) Ph: (03) 9885 9906 H
Hash On-secs: Nobody
serving in this position – Desperately seeking a desperate person who wants to help out til the end of our tenure!
Social Secretary: Cheesecake
(Elizabeth Kelly)Ph: 9212 1942 (w) 9521 8038 (h)
Trail Mistrress: Lipstick
(Judith Pound)judithpound@hotmail.com (0415 195 0930)
Grog
Master: Barbaaara (Kevin Kitchingham)kitch_and_sheeds@bigpond.com.au (0414 770 288)
Religious advisor: IBM
(Martin Evans)(03) 9521 9439 (H)
Web Master: The Boomerang
(Jon Miller)Ph: (03) 9523-1694 (H)
Hash Haberdashery: Whinging Pom
(Margaret Collette)zamarg@hotmail.com
Committee Member: Rugarse
( Paul Hooper) Leave of Absence for rest of year
Chechin Chicken: Janus
(Hugh) 0419 698 784
Hash Horn: Too Dumb to Die
(Ian Morgan) Leave of absence for rest of year 9421 5221(H)
Web Site:
www.lakesideHash.asn.au
Bright lights, big city. Another cold winter night in Melbourne and hashers are pounding on the door of an Italian restaurant in the basement of a monolithic downtown office building. Mr. Cheesecake, a.k.a. “M****r F*****g Dennis“, had temporarily suspended the dress code at Trattoria Italia and instead of well-heeled accountants, recruiting consultants, and lawyers he got a larger than usual pack of down-at-the-heels Lakeside Hashers.
We didnt have long to savour our better than usual digs before Cheesecake set us off on a drink-stop-less trail around the CBD, East Melbourne, and Richmond. The pack dodged weary commuters and junkies through Flinders Street Station and followed the smell of yuppies with expense accounts across the Yarra to Southbank. Shouts of “on-on”, “on back” and “R U?” battled with the mournful sounds of a saxophone as we got lost in the tunnel under St. Kilda Road. Rather than taking the safe route under said busy road, the hare took us back up to the Great Glowing Steel Penis, over across several lanes of traffic and tram tracks, and into the Botanic Gardens.
We followed tiny flour arrows as far as a check on a traffic island. Hashers milled about in the midst of rush hour traffic for a while before the trail was found back across the river. The sound of blaring horns, screeching brakes, and the usual whirring hordes of bats coming out of the Melbourne Flying Fox Sanctuary muffled the on calls so the pack dispersed for a while. We joined up again near the tennis centre, minus a few stragglers carried off by bats or bullbars to the pubs in Southbank. Those of us who survived made our way through the sports complex, around the MCG, noticably not stopping for beers at the Royal, before turning back towards the city and on-in. The gullible and foolish were led into a maze of dead ends and cul-de-sacs in the necropolis of Jolimont while the quick and the wise found a speedy route home along Flinders Lane (though a stop at the Club X may have delayed one or two hard up hashers).
Back to the trattoria where hashers were propping up the bar, drinking stubbies and trying to flip the caps down the buxom and compliant barmaids decolletage. MFD tried to distract the leering hordes with plates of pizza that never really made it through the pack of vultures perched at the service window. I guess Quasimodo, Bovine Breeder, Deep Throat, and Remover were still replenishing the energy stores so depleted by last weekends Bataan Death March for Charity. Sensing that the have nots would have to be distracted before things turned ugly, the Circle was called early so we could luxuriate over our meals afterwards. Cheesecake was immediately called to task for being a danger to herself and (mainly) others. Pointpost proceeded to give her one, and more offers quickly followed. Final score for the run:
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1= 14
The GM waded through a host of visitors and born-again-visitors Vibrator, Patch, Vivian, Spicy, Alex the Great, and Little Job who had been away so long she forgot how to do a down-down and had to have a second helping before her memory was jogged. This obviously put her in the mood for work (her shift at the Crazy Horse starts at 8:30!) so she absconded with most of the fashion sense. Miss Piggys late arrival soon made up for the lack of haute couture on the hash. She drank for overdressing, along with Queen Bea, who explained that he was only getting ready for his 5:30am shift at Safeway obviously planning for a big night!
The Death Marchers took a drink for being a bunch of panty sniffing masochists. Whippet took a drink for not buggering off when he was meant to. A compass from Bovine was meant to show the way it helpfully points up up and away. The gift giving rebounded when Bovine was called to task for supplying an emergency condom from his stash unfortunately it had expired in 1996. Apparently his mating strategem of singling out young women for new shoes charges wasnt working, and he only ended up sipping warm beer from Spicys not-so-new runners.
But before we could give Highly Infectious a charge for his NEW BLUNDSTONES we ran out of beer and the food was on. All in all a highly successful circle, if I dont say so myself (under duress from the GM), despite the absence of our erstwhile Religious Adviser and absentee Scribe. Not bad at all. This committee is working like a fine oiled machine and it only took 48 weeks of practice!
Oh yeah, the food was good and there was cheesecake.
On-on
TDTD
Forthcoming Runs
Run 933
5 June 2002 : Father and Miss Piggy from 53 Hotham Street, East Melbourne
Run 934 12 June 2002 : NO RUN (UNLESS WE GET A HARE). PLEASE VOLUNTEER!!!!
Run 935 19 June 2002 : Nickol-B and Lotsa Fun in Hawthorn
Run 936 26 June 2002 : AGM Run
from Port Melbourne Life Saving Club around about $15 for the night plus drinks.
AGM Matters:
- Sponsorship
advertise your company OR YOURSELF – in the magazine, call TDTD for details and see attached flyer.
- Sponsorship for Giveaways
sponsorship for any part of the AGM is available. Part payment of T-shirts, Hash Haberdash, the evening meal, the beer, or the wine will in turn mean the payers name on the T-shirt or the Programme or the Magazine. Again call the GM or TDTD for further details. Try your local hairdresser, grog supplier, sports shoes supplier, cheap restaurant. We would have to have the cheapest advertising rates in town!
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NASH HASH STUFF
4 July 2002 :
Peninsula Harriettes AGPU in McClelland Drive, Frankston
19 October 2002 :
Annual Balls Up hosted by Peninsula HHH in Mornington. Theme is Shagadellic. Tickets @ $65 per head for meal, beer, wine, champers, softies, gift & prizes. Lakeside shaggers to go in theme so put your thinking condoms on and think of the team fun we had last year, and well do it again.
INTERHASH 2002
If the Pakies dont blow up the world in the meantime, Goa in India will be the place to be on the last weekend on September this year. Check the website for details. All Lakesiders registered please contact E&B so we can organise a LSH3 T shirt and handouts.