Run 947 Report

Lakeside run on Wednesday nights starting at 6:30ish, usually within 10kms of the Melbourne CBD (Central Boozing District). Runs cost $2, the food costs $3 unless it is at a pub, and drinks cost $2. Visitors are always welcome – just show up and ask for a drink!

The Uncommitted

Mummies’ Boy (Phillip Edwards) Ph: 9479 1978

Sergeant @ Arms

Baa-baa-ra (Kevin Kitchingham) Ph: 0414 770 288

Stuck -On (Wendy Guo) Ph: 9534 5495

Too Dumb to Die (Ian Morgan) Ph: 0439 944 945

Egg’n’ Bacon Pie (Lorraine Gierck) Ph: 9421 1134

Cooch (Rowan Compagnoni) Ph: 9421 1134

Janus (Hugh Watts) Ph: 0419 698784

Cheesecake (Elizabeth Kelly) Ph: 9521 8038

The Boomerang (Jon Miller) Ph: 9523-1694

Lotsa Fun (Lai Fun) Ph: 9815-2363

Shunt (Keith Ralph) Ph: 9570 4689

IBM (Martin Evans) Ph: 0401-147-796

Udder Idjit (David Cheeseman) Ph: 0414 716 382

al-@lakesidehash.asn.au

www.LakesideHash.asn.au

jsb-@pacific.net.au

SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET

SITREP

11092002

7 Nelson Street/Sandringham/VIC/AUS

Observed surreptitious gathering of local cell of international Hash House Harriers network known as

“Lakeside” in vicinity of Melbourne Australia. Apparent ringleader “Mummies Boy” in conjunction with local contacts “IBM” and “Swallower” lead multinational gathering with instructions making reference to “Laden Bins” and “Plane Flower” before sending them out to scour the neighbourhood – purpose of exercise unknown.

Further investigation reveals mysterious symbols on area pavement. Organisation of local cell clearly weak. Group scattered soon after departure from HQ

– stragglers left to fend for themselves. Group observed to circulate through several sporting ovals and suburban parks before returning to HQ, stopping once for liquid refreshments of undisclosed potency.

“

Fend for yourself” mentality of local cell witnessed in mad dash for feeding selves with little regard to missing comrades. Food quality seen to be better than usual, with choice of goat stew or hamburgers, followed by oreo cookies and turkish delight.

Search party mustered by local contact discovered straggler

“Down Under” picking up strange men in vicinity of public housing.

Once entire cell had returned to HQ and fed strange pseudo-religious ceremony begun. The exercise was given an efficiency rating of 9 out of 11 and local contacts given punitive alcohol for not achieving 100% efficiency.

New recruit ôDavidö presented as virgin sacrifice to female operatives û continuous high-risk operations have reduced available breeding pool so male members apparently in high demand.

Further minutes of the gathering were obtained at great cost to our surveillance team:

Greetings comrades – hail to the Grand Master and Sergeant. May the paradise of 900 virgins await you.

Our supreme commander hands over the meeting to Sgt. Baabaara.

Sergeant: May the infidels never make nightsoil upon your fez, oh Grand Master. Step forward Queen Bee, Quasimoto, and TDTD for thou hast completed 25 33, and 55 runs respectively. Drink from the cup of friendship.

All: HAIL THEM!

Sergeant: Miss Piggy, thou shalt be punished for taking your pleasure from a fence. And E&B for getting a poke on the run. HARLOTS!

All: DRINK DRINK DRINK!

Sergeant: Comrades, are there any among us who deserve punishment tonight?

All: YES YES YES!

[Sergeant takes charges from the floor, listed below for the sake of brevity]

GG for losing faith [INFIDEL!]

QB for grooming his facial hair in imitation of Gordon Jackson

Down Under for cavorting with strangers and Shagadelic for keeping her from further cavorting

Father punished for mapping the worldwide Hash network

[Operative Note: Must obtain this document!]

Swallower and Gerbils for being too nice for the Hash

Lotsafun for dereliction of duty

GG for abandoning Down Under down under

Klingon for supporting the Bombers

[Note: apparent reference to losing football team]

Quasimodo and IBM for bypassing intersection of Wales and David St without comment

Vote was taken for location of next international gathering. Among the three possibilities it was decided that Cardiff had the most available and compliant sheep.

SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET

18/9/02

948

Uncle Shunt,

Shunt’s Shed, 22 Wallace Ave, Murrumbeena

A9

25/9/02

949

Gerbils

Bells Hotel, Corner of Moray and Coventry Streets, South Melbourne, in upstairs room

2K E1

Finally, some real beer!

2/10/02

950

To be determined

UPCUMMING HASH EVENTS

: Annual Balls Up, hosted by RPH3 in Mornington. Theme is Shagadelic! Tickets are $65 a head for food, grog, gift, and prizes. Lakeside shaggers to go in theme – so put your thinking condoms on and think of the team fun we had last year, and we’ll do it again.

: Pan Asia Hash hosted by the Royal Selangor HHH in Kuala Lumpur – Mark your diaries! www.panasiahash2003.com for more info.