LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS HASH TRASH
Run 980, 23 April 2003
Venue: Udderham Palace, Highett
Hares: Udder Idiot
Having taken a scenic tour along the coastal route, I arrived at the domain of his eminence a margin late for Udder Idiots run in honour of our dear Saint George. I recognised the area as near the starting point for the Port Phillip Bay Colonys annual half-marathon, thus farther than usual from our traditional hunting grounds. The hare noted, however, that several distinguished members of the club had established country residences in the area.
The sizeable crowds who soon returned from the trail proved accurate his reassurances as to the centrality of this venue. The jolly crowd, it seemed, had been led on a lengthy lurch amongst the leafy boulevards of the district. Their confusion had mounted with on-back piled upon on-back, until front runners such as Bovine Breeder were drawing blood on local foliage. I daresay that those straggling behind were equally careless, with Mummies Boy falling hapless victim to Cheesecakes “weapons of mass distraction”, failing to heed his own warnings, and eating a bit of eucalypt. I say!
It would appear that the runners may have been distracted by various bits of gossip being bandied about. E&B was heard to utter comments of a disparaging nature about her mate, despite the fact that Cooch had splurged on a dozen red roses earlier that week. Cheesecake divulged the secret to arousing a restaurateur and Rolf Harris revealed that she was anxious to get home for the latest instalment of Survivor.
That being all well and true, many of these stalwarts were here for the food and ale, not the exercise. Those hoping to stuff their holes with some Spotted Dick were mildly disappointed. The rest of our band were quite content with the fish and chips provided. Jolly good! The meal was enhanced by a dessert not to be trifled with, courtesy of Udders mudder, and watched over by HRH and bottles of HB sauce.
Having eaten our fill, we then opened the weekly circle with a rousing rendition of “Jerusalem” and a toast to the Queen. Mayhaps it seems an ironical phenomenon, but these dark and distant runs are attracting a large and lively crowd. Visitors from near and far joined us for the evening. Mr. Logic was in town from Basel (a city of 200,000 on the Swiss Rhine, not an impertinent hotelier from Torquay), but didnt have much to say for the trail. What he did have to say was “It was crap” but deserving a score of “sex out of ten”. Visiting GMs included Chilli Root and Gibbo, one of whom walked away with the long-lost hash bugle (good thing we have a spare). They both had some various events to flog. Other visitors and returnees included Pissed Basher, Porno Queen, and Chain Link Bondage.
The Sergeant at Arms handed out a charge to Rashelle for being the only hasher to listen to Udders fashion advice. Special runs were noted for Pissed Basher (10), Deeper (369), E&B (111), Nick (50), and Cheesecake (175).
Charges were then left open to IBM who charged Gibbo for dressing like a certain lifetime resident of Greensboro. Plugger had a drink for keeping a low profile, Quasi for being Welsh, and Stuckon for trying to passoff SARS-infected Singapore dollars as real money. Lethal charged E&B for piking on the annual mountain retreat so that she could celebrate IBMs birthday. Whippet was charged for his lobotomy scar, and Janus had an alcoholic drink for not providing enough non-alcoholic drinks.
With that we departed distant Highett, to join again next Wednesday under the banner of Mother England and her loyal Hash House Harriers for further japes and monkeyshines.
On-On
TDTD