LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS HASH TRASH
Run 985 28 May 2003
Venue: Lucky Hut Restaurant, Prahran
Hare: Quasimodo
Quasimodos Farewell
It didnt take me too long to notice that Prahran isnt your average inner suburb. The first tip was the selection of coffee table books at the “Hares and Hyenas” bookstore. The “Queens Birthday” bash at the nightclub down the street was hint number two. What clinched it though, was the mustachioed man in the leather jacket and tight jeans posting a letter outside the venue. What a surprise, then, that it turned out to be none other than Western Suburbs very own Doona. “I work around the corner,” he explained, hastily adding “at a real estate firm!” as I eyed the purple building across the street sporting blacked-out windows and posters for the upcoming Pride Day rave. Doona seemed in a hurry to get away, so I thrust my way into the tightly packed venue. Feeling a bit like a gerbil trapped in a long, narrow, humid space, I was glad when the hare shooed us outside for a pre-run briefing. Unfortunately this was given in Welsh, so it didnt do anyone much good.
Before long we were following trail (also set in Welsh), nervously probing the muddy back passages of Prahran, and hanging around in dark parking garages and train stations. Before long we had crossed Chapel Street and were making our way to less colourful neighbourhoods. Spying the heaps of rubbish lined up along the kerb, I was briefly elated by the prospect of what one might find on hard rubbish day in South Yarra, but the dreadful reek of all that rotting caviar and stale champagne put me right off. There were numerous checks and false trails, but it was easy going once we discovered the 69th Theory of Lakeside Hashing. Whats that, you ask? Its simple: the 69th Theory proposes that any direction that Shagadelic takes at a check is ipso facto not true trail. This theory was put to numerous tests last Wednesday night, and only came close to failing once. Then Cooch found the “On Home” sign and, having misunderstood the Welsh directions at the on-out, led the pack straight back along Commercial Road to the on-in.
Back at the Lucky Hut, we were pleased to discover that the Grog Master had outdone himself for the occasion. Despite the fact (or because of it?) that Quasi does not drink beer, Janus had splurged on a selection of the worlds finest ales. Yours truly mistakenly tried to quench his thirst with a 12% alc. “Bush” beer from Belgium. Thus inured against the cold, I retreated to the sub-zero courtyard in the back to watch goldfish occasionally emerge from the green murk (regretting my dinner selection of sweet and sour fish) and listening to Lethal and the GM swap stories about their world travails.
Eventually everyone except Quasi had their chicken, beef or fish dishes, and everyone but Quasi had their share of quality ales so the GM called the very un-circular circle to order. At this point the Bush started to kick in (makes you say things like “nucular” and want to invade swarthy countries) so my notes arent of much help. I have the phone number of someone named Lan, though
Since E&B had “done it all” she gave the run report but it was lost in the hubbub Quasi had her farewell toast in water or soda pop or somesuch. Then Nickel-B got up to explain his name, but has only succeeded in prompting the pack to wonder if Nickel-arse isnt a more appropriate name after all. And Klingon was charged for raising Alice to be a ball-handler (hoping that Essendon will be drafting girls by 2020).
Then the Sgt/RA called forth Rashelle to be named MOUTH TO MOUTH, since she is certified (and certifiable) in so many aspects of first aid.
Other charges followed:
Gerbils for having a sore throat without having enjoyed getting it
Lipstick forgot her man, so she got a magazine full of them
Isabelle (Astros latest squeeze) for putting up with dumbarse hashers all night
GG and Lethal for getting diverted at the “Beat Bookshop” (at least they dont mince words)
Quasi for telling the pack how to short-cut her own trail
Mothball for dressing to blend in with the locals
Astro for drinking VB when he could be drinking posh beer
Quasi for her fists of fury
This hash was sponsored by the number 5 Bovine and Nick on 55, Rolf 15, Toto, Lotsafun, and Lipstick at 53, Mothball on 159, GG on 511 E&B on 115, and Boomer on 525 rounded out the un-notable runs of the evening.
There was a cracking good raffle – Jane, amongst others, walked away with some primo grog
With that I got on my pushbike and made my slow and unsteady way home, waving goodnight to the Lucky Hut girls and a group of friendly transvestites hanging out across the street.
On-On
TDTD