1000th (and 1001st) RUN BUMPER EDITION!
4 5 October 2003
Rowallan Scout Camp, Dib Dib Dob Lane, Riddells Creek, Bush Somewhere, how would I know I got bloody lost !
The Lakeside HHH Committee
It really doesnt have to be like this yknow, its enough to drive one insane. I mean 8 (count em !) emails amongst the 1000th committee and groupies on exactly where the names on the shirts should go, what colour / height / typeface they should be etc etc, as if “ferret shagger” looks any better anywhere else and any other way on the bally thing anyway. And then there was the debate about Saturdays run too long, too short, no good for walkers, to many sticks on the ground, kangaroos may make off with the younger ones amongst us, will we be back by sunset, do we need to bring sandwiches etc. I mean who cares? Who on earth would be idiotic enough to get lost long after the rest of the pack were back and in need or rescuing? The only thing the committee really need to do is ensure that the grog doesnt run out, so as to avoid a disaster of such proportions as, say, white wine stocks being drained on the Friday eve before the main event by a handful of early cummers. Avoid that and youre laughing!
And so it came to pass that the 1000th Lakeside run arrived in balmy climes and idyllic settings at Rowallan Scout Camp, so the club has now completed nearly as many runs as the combined age of GG and Lethal. If only wed had a few scouts to roast by the fire that evening to celebrate but then you cant have everything you desire (for example white wine). A round (some of them very round Fergie, Plunger, Tangles etc) 80 hardy hashers, kids, dogs, and one Jackalope (no I didnt realize there was such a beast either but there is, more about him later) turned up for the 1000th and tout de Melbourne and beyond were present including some very notable returnees. So notable your scribe forgot to note them down. All Melbourne clubs apart from the Tarts turned up (but it was understood that a few of them were in a car on their way to the venue and you know how bad womens map reading skills are. Last seen north of Canberra). Our Founder and serial GM, Free Fall (who set the first run) was in attendance along with spousal unit Zippit, and notable out of State (and out of their minds) attendees were ex GMs Skiddy who flew in from Darwin (boy, were her arms tired) and Plunger who plunged in from the Gold Coast.
Feats of extreme athletic endurance had already been achieved prior to the run on the one hand Boomer had cycled 3.5 hours from downtown Elsternwick to the venue, on the other Grunter was extremely tired and emotional at having stayed up till dawn the night before and partaking in her share of the Great White Wine Disappearance mystery. Apparently some 20 hash folks (not from Lakeside mind) descended on the venue on Friday evening and kept the poor lamb up. Anyway, athletes both. Upon check-in a smart green polo shirt (usually with their names on too) was thrust at attendees and they were told to prepare for a 2pm sharp start. Most passed the time perusing the walls that had been splendidly adorned by Barterbitch with incriminating evidence from the past 1000 runs and various oddities and peccadillos from Lakeside hashers past and present (a disturbing number of them attired in red dresses one has to say), books were signed and beers were supped (white wine having already run out). TDTD and Whippet had set the run (uh oh !) and Shaggy (rather than Sooty) was sweep. Go figure. So at 2pm sharp hashtime we revved up and phuqed orf and the pack ambled down the hill and at the scouts entrance plunged deep into the bush (insert your own jokes here). The next 2 hours (longer for some of us) were spent Mounting Charlie (not quite as interesting as it sounds) by tramping around some fantastic countryside with Cooch and Pissed Basher and IBM usually winning (it says here) but still oddly managing to end up behind the vast majority of walkers at most points of the run. There seemed to be lots of long uphill straight bits in the parkland but the hares somehow managed to keep the pack together(ish) through the use of cunning checks and falsies. At least the RA had done his bit and the weather was dry and cool (unlike either of the hares). Several small rivers were crossed and mossy barks leaped (or, in Scrubbas case, gone underneath). The first drinkstop saw Whippet lose his car keys (dumb ass had left them in his car ignition) and the pack lose the will to live when told they were only half way around. Your humble scribe would love to be able to tell you about the 2nd half of the run but I did my own unique version and so cant. However my version was picturesque and breathtakingly scenic, passed several herds of cows (of course Ive heard of Cowes you idiot, its on Phillip Island Editor), and had a majestic tribe of around 20 biiiiig Kangaroos to welcome me home at the Scout Camp upon return, but unfortunately did result in me returning an hour behind the rest of the pack to be informed by my daughter that “youre last daddy”. A future sergeant methinks. It was nice to see Whippet and TDTD about to come scrambling to come to my aid amidst pack indifference to my wherabouts / safety though.
Whilst I was AWOL the showers stayed hot, the beer stayed cool, and the white wine stayed out of sight. The rope course was easily navigated by all the kids but took hours to complete for the average hasher. The circle was eventually called and included numerous charges mainly for being first or last, falling over or standing up, being a significant visitor (there werent any ! ha !), being a newbie or a virgin (Alex and Rigby), 500 run charges for Boomerang and GG, a winging charge for Dallas (and shes not even a Pom) or being a past (or past it) GM of Lakeside. Since you are all anoraks and will ask anyway if I dont list them, the GMs have been Freefall (an apt starter since the club has been in it ever since, from 1984 -6) although Zippit gets an honorary guernsey here too, Dallas & Muttley Dog (1987, and the 1st AGM was held that March), After Five (1988), After Five / Dallas (1989), After Five / Couff (1990), After Five (1991 at this point having won for a 4th time After Five got to keep the original Lakeside club and has it in his spare room at home, the current Lakeside club is a almost flawless replica), and then in 1992/93 Bondage, 1993/94 Plunger, 1994/95 Barterbitch, 1995/96 Deeper, 1996/97 Deep Throat, 1997/98 Udder Idjit, 1998/99 Titillator, 1999/2000 Sailor’s Plaything, 2000/01 Skidmarks (OK Skiddy then if were dumbing down and it appears we certainly did that year !), 2001/02 E & B, 2002/03 Mummies Boy, and 2003 and beyond with Gerbils. Start canvassing now and steal a march on Arnie Schwarzenegger to become GM next year !
The pack was not due to be fed until 8pm by Jims mobile mowing service (go figure #2) so nibbles were sought and Udder entertained the crowd by securing an industrial-sized pack of chips, only to open them the wrong end and spread them all over the floor.
Several small children and dogs, unaccustomed to so many chips not being guarded by grown ups, descended like jackalopes and the evidence was consumed. A roaring campfire was going and somehow Emu ended up on it, as evidenced by the scorches on him for perpetuity. Jims tucker came and almost went whilst I was putting the kids to bed so cant tell you too much about it, but the white wine did appear to have run out by this point. I did manage to salvage the odd snag late on but rumblings of discontent about hash “food behaviour” were heard (this either means some folk you know who you are nicked the good stuff in heaps before other people had any, or that some people gasp didnt use knifes or forks or wipe their chins with napkins). However the James Boag was still going well for most of the weekend, so much better than the Bavarian tripe we get served every Wednesday, even if the VB did run low towards the end. The rest of the evening was spent swapping campfire yarns, or bopping along to the talented and superb 4B and her selection of hits. CDs of said hits were on sale for 10 bucks the next day and many hungover hashers indulged, probably to now be sitting holding a CD that sounds great live, drunk, and bopping with likewise hash pals, but in the cold light of day draws worried looks from neighbours and pets when played at home sober (only kidding 4B !).
A highlight of 4Bs gig was watching Whippet “dance”. The lad is a decent runner and should stick to that we think. 74 stubbies (each) later we all retired for a late night (again !). The next mornings traditional hash fry up of eggs, bacon and toast was followed by a superb recovery walk, complete with dogs and kids, of about half an hour which showedoff the magnificent forest terrain. A highlight of the Sunday charges was Chase from Western Subs finally getting christened Jackoffalot for carrying animal of (nearly) the same name around all weekend. Boner did the honours and doused the poor strumpet with beer which unfortunately resulted in her having to take her top off to dry and in the process lasciviously displaying a firm, supple, and well built set of Erthas, much to the disgust and distress of the male population watching. After that everyone nicked a slab of beer each, drank the remainder of the white wine (ah, no, hang on, this bits wrong) and ambled off (or in Boomers case undertook the long cycle home, hard with a slab of beer on your bike) with the words of the GM ringing in their ears that Toto and Pizzeria are jointly haring next Wednesdays run at their restaurant for the 1002th (OK 1006th) run, and visions of the baps of Jackoffalot ringing somewhere else entirely. More information than you will ever wish to know about the Jackalope can be found on the Jackalope Conspiracy website http://www.sudftw.com/jackcon.htm but sadly no photographic evidence from Sundays charges (yet). But did you know if you are able to extract a Jackalopes milk as it sleeps belly upwards at night ? Now theres a thought to be going on with ..
Thanks are of course due to all those that put on a great show Gerbils (Operation Treadmill Fuhrer), Whippet, Too Dumb To Depart For The USA Before All The Hard Work, Shaggy, Barterbitch, Lizard, E&B etc who did the main grunt work in organizing and running (walking ?) the show, you all know who you are and youve all been faaabulous dahlinks (if Ive missed anyone Im sure Ill hear about it in no uncertain terms). But bouquets also to those that, in usual hash fashion, pitched in during the weekend such as Rolf Tie Me Down (rego and grog duties), GG (for scrubbing at the very end), Scrubba (oddly not for scrubbing but for serving dinner with Jim like a good Mum should), and the likes of Sooty, Treaddie, Mouth 2 Mouth, Scullery Maid, and Klanga for services during the weekend beyond the call of duty too. May the sacred hash brown cow of happiness and health crap bountifully over all of your heads. So, that was 1000 of the little blighters undertaken, now put on a fresh jockstrap or running bra (or in GGs case both) and head on-on towards the 2000th .
On, ye noble bacons, On !
IBM
P.S. Oh yes, as well as losing myself on the run I lost the hash book too. In fact I never saw much of it since the GM, correctly guessing I would get lost on the run, swiped it off me toot sweet so I reckon she nicked it.