LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARIERS HASH TRASH
Run 913: January 23, 2002 Bayview St, by the bay, Williamstown
Hare: Highly Infectious
The scene is a pleasante bayside gardene partye. A bande of heartye Lakeside Harriers make ribalde merryement after having full-well supped on toothsome viands and drunke of fine ales and wines. Come, genteel readere, and we will harkene as thaeyre GrandeMistress calles them to order
EGGE & BACOYNE PYE: Now is the on-after of oure discontente: thy form in calling and markinge of traile is grievous deficient, and wonts for certitude and deade reckoninge. Come hither, Highly Infectious, knavish Hare, and quaffe thy gob fulle of ale! Whinging Pomme, recyte to our gathered assemblie your accountinge of our sporte this eve. What score doe thee granteth our Hare?
WHINGING POMME: In truth, Maam, I have come late. I know notte a true accounting of yon traile.
IBM: (roguish aside to the assembly) Prithee, wouldst thou give him one?
MUMMIES BOYE (further aside) But young wench cums late! Tis certaine shed neede two or three! (a murmur ripples through the crowde).
EGGE & BACOYNE PYE: Silence, you impertinent gudgeon! Now doe I welcome Visitores & Virgins, and Returnees: they be Titillator, Jenny, Gareth and Janus. Whereof we now celebrate the day of the well-known young Hibernian poet, Rabbie Burns, (in truth, he hath not been born yet), and I count only one amonge youre number who hath wore a Caledonian token Too Dumb Too Die, come forth and swigge!
GG: But Maam, hath stronge drinke blurred thine eyes? Didst not Boner don a handsome tartan? And Maam, thou did not mentione Pat. In truth, methinks thou hast not got her name down Pat!
EGGE & BACOYNE PYE: Begone, thou artless bugbear! Aah, but tis some merit in
thy entreaty. Boner; come forward!
MUMMIES BOYE: I hereby present thee, Boner, the sacred relic of the ancestral mace of the Scottish Parliament on the occasion of youre 100th Runne. Faire a thing it is; Highly Infectious hath forged this metal with highe skille and arte. (Mummies Boy rummages around in the garage and comes out with Barterbitchs old wrought-iron letterbox, numbered 100.)
BARTERBITCH: Tis a cunning disguise, Boner. Even thy faire bearde thou hast dyed
and greyed.
DEEP THROAT: GG, where art mine hubcaps? Why, thou art a knave, a rascal, an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited hundred-pound, worsted-stocking knave; a glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue, one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition!
GG: GrandeMistresse, feel free to jump in and defend me any time!
IBM: I have a riddle for the Companye: what are the three fates of womenhoode? Let us
Line-up Like A Virgin, Gerbils and Swallower. Speak not of Virgins & Visitores;
why, these three are woman before, during and after sex! (Obscure; an apparent visual gag which even the immortal Bard cannot render entirely clearly).
GERBILS: Enough of your japes and base trickery, man. I would fain award Major Fuck-Up with charge for her 69th run hmmm all the same, tis awarded her most everye weeke.
WINGS: Her apparel is passing strange, forsooth. Tis a badge of Queere Pride, nay? And ha, ha! She wears cruel garters!
MUMMIES BOYE. Ye woulde do well to speake of the bawdy arts, squire. Why, look over there, I didst spye Janus; he hath a leane and hungry looke. I sawe him squinting sideways, peering into that highe balconye. Hast thy a faire love, waiting yonder, I entreated him. Nay said he, but did seest the next-door neighbour prowling in the nude. Why, oure man is naught but a base knave! Blanket thy loins, and drinke a long draught, siree!
TOO DUMB TOO DIE: Tis a fact he peers two-faced. Here ladde, don this fittinge Janus cap. And what of our hostes? This nude neighboure doth hange a signe proclaiming “S & M Industries” from his cottage. Twas an oversight not to invite them to our bawde.
MUMMIES” BOYE Ande ye, Highly Infectiouse me thoughte ye were a merry, robust prankster. But looke in your outdoor privy. There is no sporte to be hadde. Wherefore art thy stick mags?
EGGE & BACOYNE PYE: (draws raffle). And now awaye, companye! I came not to praise
thee, but to charge thee. The eves breeze doth grow chill and stronge. Shall I
compare it to a summers daye? Nay, Sommers lease hath all too short a date, and a rough wind doth shake the darling fence pickets. Oh, it doth set my pugging tooth an edge, for a Quart of Ale is a dish for a King.
On on, Mummies Boye
UPCUMMING HASH EVENTS
Run 914 January 30 Kling-on Koomba Park, Wantirna
Lunar New Year Run!
Melway: 63 C8.
Run 915 February 7 Tangles tba
Run 916 February 13 Cooch tba
Run 917
February 16 (5 pm) Barterbitch Oxford Scholar Hotel, cnr Swanston
The 7th annual
Red Dress Run & ABeckett Streets
$10 covers all, Wear a RED DRESS! Melway: 2B E 12
UPCUMMING HASH EVENTS
Full Moon Run 27 Jan, 2002 4pm BYOG & BBQ Yellow Gum Park Melways: 10 G5; Hare: Klingon
From Greensborough take Diamond Creek Road, Yan Yean Road then Memorial Drive
Western Suburbs H3’s 21st Anniversary
2/2/2; Footscray Secondary College School Camp, 20 Napoleons St, Greendale; about ½-way between Melbourne & Ballarat. About 5km off the freeway and about 10km the Frankston side of Ballan.) Approx $75. Get in touch with BB.