Lakeside Hash House Harriers The drinking club with a running problem
LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS COMMITTEE 2012-2013
Grand Master: Pauline “It Wasn’t Me” Middelveld Religious Adviser: John “Klingon” Perkins Hash Cash: Simon “Lubang Oz” Wreford Grog Master: John “Klingon” Perkins Checking Chicken: David “Udder Idjit” Cheeseman Sgt@Arms: Barry “GG” Kerr; Soc Sec: Linda “Cyclone Tracy” Anderson-Berry On Sec: Andrew “Shitoffashovel” Middleton Hash Haberdash: Lorraine “Egg and Bacon Pie” Gierck Hare Raiser: Nick “Nickle B” Leicester Hash Flash: Mark “Ambidexterous Hand Job” Kalic Web Master: Stuart “Flem” Smith
Run 1525, 28 November 2012 Hare: E&B Venue: 115 Buckinham St, Richmond
At the beginning of the circle, Shit off a Shovel (as Stand-In GM) called on your scribe to describe the run for E & Bs St. Andrews Day extravaganza. This is never a good idea these days, Mummies Boy being so infirm that he rarely gets around more than half of it. All I could say was that I was saved by two sets of guardian angels. The first was a car-load of virgins driven by E & B, who pulled over to tell Virgin Pat and me that, if we just made for the bridge over the Yarra, we could shave 4 or 5 kms off the run. I scored it appropriately at 110%. Secondly, while hobbling back through Abbotsford (having of course dropped off the pack by then), I was overtaken by two damsels on bicycles in the form of Rolf Harris and Shagadelic. Why, knave, they quoth, thou art weary of leg and dry of throat. Come sup full with us in yon tavern and ye shall receive succour! This all happened before dinner; E & B having finally fulfilled her aim to reverse the usual order of Lakeside events, claiming that the dinner was still cold. The pack thronged and pulsed on the periphery of the circle; an extraordinary turn-out in the balmy evening air, numbering a grand 38 by my count. It included no less than seven virgins (Gareth, Jana, Libby, Kathy, Pat, Shoe-shopper and Wet Patch) and twelve returnees (Ambidextrous, Cheescake, Crabbo, Gargoyle, Goanna, Plugger, Point Post, Prince, Shagadelic, Udder Idjit, the Upper-Class Tart and X-Rated). At the off, E & B, vainly tried to describe a confusing overlay of chalk arrows and flour patches that would have done Jackson Pollock proud. Then she directed the walkers on their way. Several returnees and newcomers, including Jana, Wendt. Charges included Punchs 100th run, Lubang Ozs 73rd birthday, Two Bottoms new shoes, and Mummies Boy for wearing a T-shirt saying On on you noblest English on St. Andrews Day. Kok-up also went (for piss-taking?? my scrawl is virtually illegible), and Shoe-shopper charged Wet Patch for bringing her to see the cheapest show in town rather than to see Nickelback (could that be Nickel B??? – it sure was getting dark). The Upper-Class Tart also demanded that GG, Do me before him. Then, after years of ranting and raving, GG pulled off one of the great Lakeside charges by getting the seven shortest men in the Hash to assemble for drinks, which looked mildly amusing in itself. Then he beckoned the fair Jana who is very considerably taller, to join them, before introducing the group as Snow-White and the Seven Dwarves. The circle was abruptly interrupted by the piping in of the haggis and the usual recitation in Scots dialect, or could it have been in Hindi? The pack fell ravenously upon the delightful repast and chawed upon it relatively quietly for a while, but old habits die hard and a faction then started up a new circle. The main feature of this was the naming of Kirsty as Lost Sausage, although this was more of a revival of her old name than a new one. Mummies Boy was astonished to see Goanna had sewed his 2002 HSH3 T-shirt into a weird patchwork of Qld Hash shirts. Later, she took me aside to tell me that Id been astonished about this three years ago too, when I made exactly the same charge. Monkey Boy then produced a three-volume set of old Hash photos to prove that he wasnt a new acquaintance to me but that wed run together at Lakeside during the last century. At this point I finally realised that Ive been recycling the same old rubbish for over a decade now and that its time to stop. On on Mummies Boy.
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