Run 941 Report

Brought to you this week by special roving correspondent B. Breeder.

LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS HASH TRASH

Run 941 31 July 2002 Cricketers Arms Hotel, Richmond

TDTD (

Special Guest Appearance by Jo)

It was a balmy evening in Melbourne and approximately 30 of the fastest drinkers / runners in Melbourne gathered at The Cricketers Arms Hotel in Richmond for yet another fine Lakeside Hash House Harriers Run. The specially selected Hare for this occasion was non-other than the fine example of how far the depravity of mankind can deteriorate to, Too Dumb to Die. What was fascinating was that we got a rare thrill of a surprise guest appearance of someone that can only be a saint or a kindergarten teacher, Jo whom is the wife of Too Dumb to Die. Why do I say that Jo must be a saint or a kindergarten teacher? Simple, anyone that can demonstrate such tolerance, patience and charity, by remaining a partner of Too Dumb to Die, can only be held in the highest esteem of the honourable profession of teaching. Incidently, it was bantered around that perhaps Jo is not tolerant but simply oblivious which, therefore would earn her the possible naming of Too Dumb to Divorce. I leave that observation for you all to decide.

The run started on time at exactly 6:47pm. The Front Running Bastards immediately took off and made a quick dash up Punt Road only to be stopped dead in their tracks 30 metres later to cross at the traffic lights. Once safely having negotiated the busy road, the pack moved around the eastern side of the grounds at the MCG before the path finally settled with a crossing of the railway lines towards Batman Avenue. The trail continued south over City Link to the Botanical Gardens. I thought, “no way would a sick bastard make the Lakeside Hash run up Anderson Street hill”. Sadly I was mistaken and thus began the grim climb up Anderson Street and continued only until the top had been scaled.

The run then passed the Italian Consulate (On On Deep Throat and Toto) through South Yarra with a sneaky crossing of the Yarra utilising the railway bridge. (Three cheers for Shunt and his pack of Connex Associates). Whilst running through South Yarra the Hashers were treated to a spectacle of future housing designs of Mr & Mrs TDTD.

A quick dash through Richmond with frequent glances over ones shoulders whilst desperately clutching any available weapons, sticks, rocks, bunches of dandelions, etc. in order to protect us from would be assailants and criminals, we suddenly moved to a totally different world by entering a true retreat and safe haven of TDTD & TDTDII drink stop. The transformation was amazing, just like the old classic – Shangri La, one moment it was dank, dark and cold, the next we were bathed in warm sunlight whilst being offered a refreshment of a classic red wine that closely resembled the teardrops of angels. Eventually the pack realised that paradise doesn’t last forever (ie. GG was demanding that he be allowed into the drinkstop), and the pack decided to return to the pub for a well-earned evening of feasting, jousting and debauchery.

Despite having researched a most scenic route with an excellent display of fine real estate, the run was only given 0.1/10 being described as “short and flat”. Note that this score was only given by a second time hasher whose only other Hash has been with the Full Moon up Mt Dandenong. The scribe reserves the right to overturn this score with a recommendation to the GM that the score be changed to 7/10.

Charges:

• The Hare and his Haress
• Virgins: Kaye, Marcus, Jo and Gerbils.
• Gerbils was charged for giving us an update on the most closely followed and well travelled mouse in history. Apparently this flying mouse was soon to arrive in Iceland with a swagger of frequent flyer points soon to be cashed in at the Reykjavik Casino.
• Tangles for revealing his second occupation as being the person that puts the holes in the donuts at the cake factory.
• Tangles yet again for pushing “all the right buttons” for Mummies Boys. (No mention about the donuts). Apparently Mummies Boy was introduced by Tangles to a stripper of middle eastern extraction wearing a police uniform and white socks. (Enough said).
• E&B for saying “I was pretty good at 4am”.
• TDTD for disregarding Hash protocol that all beer is good beer, by choosing to only drink designer boutique top shelf beer that was served warm in a pineapple with one umbrella and two straws.
• Love Custard for 10 runs.
• Mummies Boys for 170 runs to which Love Custard stated quite emphatically “170 runs…well, you’ve nailed me…” (It must be all that talk about the donuts)
• Comfort Woman for bringing a jar of special stuff and to also see if she would whinge, which she did not.
• Lots of Fun for accidentally calling Cunning Linguist “C___ of a Linguist”.
• Gerbils for failing to appear at the drink stop.
• Mummies Boy and Tangles for allegedly making some hokey-pokey in the toilet.
• Remover, Quasimodo and Deep Throat were charged. Whilst in a car on a road trip, Deep Throat demanded that Remover “give Quasimodo an extra inch”.
• Plugger for stating, “See that Tennis Centre… We built that and we only lost $26 million.
• TDTDII for revealing that she only hashes where there is chocolate flavoured beer.
• Shunt for failing in his Hash responsibilities at the strip club.
• Deep Throat, Stuckon, Cunning Linguist, and Comfort Woman for “pounding on ahead”.
• Donna and Simon in the kitchen for the excellent tucker.
• Shunt for wearing nappy change clothes.
• Love Custard for sitting in the circle.
• Point Post for maintaining a low profile.
• Kaye for referring to TDTD’s dream real estate as ordinary houses.
• Janus for going to an evening movie and failing to read the massive sign posted every 5 metres “This carpark closes at 10pm”.

On On.

Bovine Breeder

7/8/02

942

Deep Throat

BIVIO Pizza/Pasta, 117 High Street, KEW

45 6C

Park it in the rear and enter from behind

14/8/02

943

Boner

Polo Club Hotel, 5 North Street, Ascot Vale

28 J9

Bring $6 for ‘finger food’

21/8/02

944

Boomer

4/39 Horne(y) Street, Elsternwick

67 F3

Down the street from the Daily Planet

28/8/02

945

Klingon

Inkerman Hotel, Inkerman Street, St Kilda East

2P K8

300m east of rail line

SKI WEEKEND: Nutcracker Ski Club, Mt Buller. $125. BYO grog, sheets, pillow case, towel, etc. Book with the club booking officer. Sue Ellem 9512 0063. Lethal is taking deposits of $50.

: INTERHASH 2002

If the Pakis don’t blow the world up in the meantime, Goa in India will be the place to be on the last weekend on September this year. Check the website for details: www.goa2002.com

: Annual Balls Up, hosted by RPH3 in Mornington. Theme is Shagadelic! Tickets are $65 a head for food, grog, gift, and prizes. Lakeside shaggers to go in theme – so put your thinking condoms on and think of the team fun we had last year, and we’ll do it again.

: Pan Asia Hash hosted by the Royal Selangor HHH in Kuala Lumpur – Mark your diaries! www.panasiahash2003.com for more info.

The Uncommitted

Mummies’ Boy (Phillip Edwards) Ph: 9479 1978

Sergeant @ Arms

Baa-baa-ra (Kevin Kitchingham) Ph: 0414 770 288

Stuck -On (Wendy Guo) Ph: 9534 5495

Too Dumb to Die (Ian Morgan) Ph: 0439 944 945

Egg’n’ Bacon Pie (Lorraine Gierck) Ph: 9421 1134

Cooch (Rowan Compagnoni) Ph: 9421 1134

Janus (Hugh Watts) Ph: 0419 698784

Cheesecake (Elizabeth Kelly) Ph: 9521 8038

The Boomerang (Jon Miller) Ph: 9523-1694

Lotsa Fun (Lai Fun) Ph: 9815-2363

Shunt (Keith Ralph) Ph: 9570 4689

IBM (Martin Evans) Ph: 0401-147-796

Udder Idjit (David Cheeseman) Ph: 0414 716 382

al-@lakesidehash.asn.au

www.LakesideHash.asn.au

jsb-@pacific.net.au