LAKESIDE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS HASH TRASH
Run 983, 14 May 2003
Venue: Fawkner Park, South Yarra
Hare: E&B and Cheesecake
[Twisted syntax this week courtesy of the Billboard Top 10 for 28 May 1988]
It was a trepidatious crowd that gathered on a darkened sidestreet for E&B and Cheesecakes run last Wednesday. Rain clouds were threatening, despite our estimable (about $50 if you had to guess) and illustrious RA being one of the hares, and E&Bs Durham Death March was still fresh in our memories. “Give us one more try,” the hares pleaded. “Anything for you,” the pack responded, “after all, naughty girls need love too.” Then we set off running through Fawkner Park.
And, indeed, for most of the trail we were asking “Where the Fawk in the Park are we?” as the crafty ladies managed to set 10km of trail within 3 square kilometers of inner suburban parkland. But the thought of warmth and beers at the end of this A to B run was always on my mind. Ah, cool amber fluid, I dont want to live without you. The hares had kept mum about where the trail would end up, only promising that it would be “everything your heart desires”.
For a while there, it look like wed never make the on-in the prospect of succumbing to hypothermia was so great. The pack spent substantial amounts of time looking for wet bits of flour and chalk, chatting with Barterbitch who was blatantly car hashing, and generally whinging about the weather. But wait, whats that ahead? E&B and Cheesecake (those two are together forever) hanging around under a streetlight by the public toilets, which is not an uncommon sight, but she has sweet, delicious booze with her!
Now, theres only two occasions where Ill submit to assaulting my palate with $5 bottles of El Cheapo Port, and standing soaking wet on a cold autumn night is one of them (well just forget about the other). Once wed all had our share, the cold, wet and exposed on-in site was only a very convoluted distance away.
The weather was kind enough to let us eat in peace. The pack converged on Egg and Bacon Pie, and when they were finished with that, they had a go at the Cheesecake. Very rich and satisfying, though I was left with some really nasty gas the next day. Anyway.
Many thought that it deafening wail of sirens from the hospital across the street made conversation difficult, but it was in fact Alice the Fruitbat doing her best to shatter eardrums. Mummies Boy gathered the circle before she chased too many hashers away. He began by recounting his days at the Albert, earning his way through university by taking part in the kinds of experiments they only try on convicts and starving students, and then spending his earnings at the Chevron. Barterbitch gave the run 15 out of 22, but only because the GM used words like “interpenetrating” to describe it.
It was an evening of geometrical anomalies. The trail not crossed itself, but also ran within itself a trail within a trail and a right chocolate starfish of a night. This was followed by the only perfectly circular circle ever seen on hash. Charges took a more predictable turn as they were yanked one by one from a grudging group of grumpy grousers:
- Astro for not knowing where the fawk the park was
- Cheesecake for poor RAing, hence the rain
- E&B for kicking babies
- Bovine for pulling it on hash
- Mummies Boy for watching it on hash
- Sooty for lucky 13 runs (and for his great trail last week), Rashelle and Abb Dick for matching up at 6 runs.
At that point the GM and Sergeant realised that everyone had buggered off to somewhere warmer and drier. A teetotaler won the wine, as usual, and business was brought to a close for another week.
On-On
TDTD